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So– you wanna homeschool your kid, huh? Well, it might not all be as great as you think. Read on for a list of reasons homeschooling may completely ruin your kid. 

1. Homeschooling makes your children much more likely to grow up to become cisgender: Is that what you want, Mom and Dad? Another cis-normative oppressor making trans people feel unsafe?

2. If you homeschool, your child will miss out on up-to-date works of literature written by trans people of color: Do you really want them to settle for outdated works like The Bible or The Tuttle Twins?

3. Homeschool proms are really awkward: Don’t make your poor kid go through that, for goodness sake. 

4. Homeschooled girls will never experience the magic of sharing a locker room with a 6’4″ trans woman named Larry: Don’t let your kids miss out on this important life experience.

5. Homeschooled kids usually grow up to be really polite: This is not a very useful character quality for social revolutionaries.

6. If kids don’t sit through 8 hours of soul-crushing zoom calls in public school, how will they ever be prepared for a soul-crushing corporate job?: Your children are destined to be good little corporate worker bees. You NEED to prepare them.

7. They will miss out on delicious school lunches: Square pizza and ultra-pasteurized skim milk from a cardboard box? Scrumptious! 

8. Denim skirts cause chafing: Just inhumane. 

9. They might finish their curriculum early and have more time to be radicalized on YouTube by Jordan Peterson videos: Jordan Peterson is a dangerous cult leader who may radicalize your child into making their bed. Not good!

10. Children may learn that human beings have inherent value as made in God’s image: Children who learn that their dignity comes from God and not race, class, or gender identity are not very useful for revolutionary Marxist social change– er, we mean, a meaningful movement towards greater equity.

NOT SATIRE: The Tuttle Twins children’s book series is teaching the rising generation about the ideas of freedom, free markets, individual responsibility, and American history. Many of these ideas are no longer taught in the classroom, which is why we are on a mission to distribute 1,000,000 copies of the Tuttle Twins to families, homeschoolers, schools, and libraries.

It costs roughly $10 to print and distribute one copy of the Tuttle Twins. You can click here to help us distribute more copies of the Tuttle Twins with a tax-deductible gift of $10, $50, $100, or even more. 

Thank you,

Connor Boyack
Author, Tuttle Twins