Physicians for Free Medical Care

I have discovered that THE ANSWER to ObamaCare, which is quite obviously unaffordable, is FREE medical care. I am hereby announcing the formation of a new organization of the most humanitarian medical practicioners on the planet today: Physicians for Free Medical Care.

I have a little work to do organizationally, and will get back to you on it. We will work out the petty little details over the next few weeks, but first let me introduce you to the word “Free”.


fre·er, fre·est
Definition of FREE

1a: having the legal and political rights of a citizen b: enjoying civil and political liberty (free citizens) c: enjoying political independence or freedom from outside domination d: enjoying personal freedom: not subject to the control or domination of another

2a: not determined by anything beyond its own nature or being : choosing or capable of choosing for itself b: determined by the choice of the actor or performer (free actions) c: made, done, or given voluntarily or spontaneously

3a: relieved from or lacking something and especially something unpleasant or burdensome (free from pain) (a speech free of political rhetoric) —often used in combination (error-free) b: not bound, confined, or detained by force

4a : having no trade restrictions b: not subject to government regulation c of foreign exchange: not subject to restriction or official control

5a: having no obligations (as to work) or commitments (I’ll be free this evening) b: not taken up with commitments or obligations (a free evening)

6: having a scope not restricted by qualification (a free variable)

7a: not obstructed, restricted, or impeded (free to leave) b: not being used or occupied (waved with his free hand) c: not hampered or restricted in its normal operation

8a: not fastened (the free end of the rope) b: not confined to a particular position or place (in twelve-tone music, no note is wholly free for it must hold its place in the series — J. L. Stewart) c: capable of moving or turning in any direction (a free particle) d: performed without apparatus (free tumbling) e: done with artificial aids (as pitons) used only for protection against falling and not for support (a free climb)

9a: not parsimonious (free spending) b: outspoken c: availing oneself of something without stint d: frank, open e: overly familiar or forward in action or attitude f: licentious

10: not costing or charging anything

11a (1): not united with, attached to, combined with, or mixed with something else : separate (free ores) (a free surface of a bodily part) (2): freestanding (a free column) b: chemically uncombined (free oxygen) (free acids) c: not permanently attached but able to move about (a free electron in a metal) d: capable of being used alone as a meaningful linguistic form (the word hats is a free form) — compare: bound

12a: not literal or exact (free translation) b: not restricted by or conforming to conventional forms (free skating)

13: favorable —used of a wind blowing from a direction more than six points from dead ahead

14: not allowing slavery

15: open to all comers

For my next magical trick, I will someday introduce you to free education.