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Enemy of the state

I bought a keyboard to plug into my laptop. I own it. I paid for it. It is mine.

I hadn’t given it a lot of thought, but tonight I realized this stupid black and dayglow-red sticker hanging out from the cord bugged me… a pest. The svelt, thin, smooth cord had a stiff plasticized paper flag sticking out.

See bottom of keyboard for
! HEALTH WARNING
DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAG!


What are they going to tell me so absolutely critical that I have to be reminded of it EVERY time I come near the keyboard cord? I’ll probably never know. I haven’t been inspired to read the government-mandated warning on the bottom of my keyboard before now and, without the cord label ordering me to, I suppose I won’t be reading it in the future.

WARNING: This keyboard may cause indigestion or digestive difficulties if swallowed. Oh crap, they coulda saved my life if I’d only listened.

What ARE the penalties for removing a label that clearly says “Do not remove”? Is a consumer label SWAT team coming to visit tonight?

Oh yeah, I guess posterity might want to know that I triggered something. I brought it on myself. This evening I took a sharp implement and removed the unremoveable label.

Undoubtably, the newspapers will dutifully report that the Homeland Security Forensics Team also found pillows, mattresses and extension cords without their required, mandated warning labels.

People will shake their heads in wonder – how did the guy ever learn how to operate a pillow on his own. I doubt he did it right.

The guy was a lunatic… a danger to society… had thousands of rounds of ammunition, food horde, destroyed a good lawn to create a garden, had components to MANUFACTURE his own ammunition, knew more about playing the trombone than operating a TV remote ….